love sickness

This is a story about an ordinary girl.

As the story begins,  she has a lump on her throat.

A sense of wrong.

A home sickness, a love sickness.

She grows through the wrong but the lump can’t dissolve, so her words are left unspoken.

Tired of being homesick; she seeks home.

But home is where the heart is and the heart speaks love; a love sickness.

Being homesick and lovesick both create a sadness that is like a wound that cannot heal.

In the midst of all the pain and sorrow…  she still yearns happiness.

She has to heal the sickness.

But, she has gotten used to the pain she no longer knows what it’s like to be happy.

Pain and Sorrow have clouded her hope for tomorrow.

So she stays with the home sickness, the  love sickness.

She’s trapped, like a man that lives in his head.

Emotions bottled in her mind.

Her mind is like a house with walls covered in pain, the floor flowing like a river of rage.

However, she still chases perfection cause like every human she craves happiness.

She craves happiness yet she chooses to hold back.

Fear and uncertainty disguised as safety get the best of her.

She shuts out the pain and closes down the sorrow.

But she still cannot seem to define happiness that’s truly happy.

The Lump on her throat begins to dissolve.

Sometimes words usually preferred unsaid escape.

Still, she holds back.

They say love is blind, maybe that’s why she closes her eyes to the endless opportunities to see the beauty that lies in love.

However, she still chases perfection because like every human, she also crave happiness.

Love, emotions, happiness it’s all a maze to her, she rarely almost never understands them.

She’s  lost in her own conscience and she keeps her heart barricaded.

Admittedly, she is emotionally scarred.

Even though the lump on her throat is almost gone, on most days she cannot differentiate if its herself or her fear that does the talking.

The story ends without the lump on the throat.

Having mastered the sense of wrong, she now searches to settle for right.

Acknowledging the pain, recognizing the sorrow, but still holding on to the hope for a better tomorrow.

A place where the heart is medicated and love is healed.

A place free from love sickness and homesickness.

A happy place.


Wait, there’s more …the story seems to continue …


Perhaps happiness is a place too far to reach… and along the journey, in search of her new home she bumped into her former home- sadness.

It dragged her back ‘home’ claiming there’s no place quite like home. See, they taught her home is where the heart is… guess that’s why she feel safe being sad. Perhaps it became home.

Yet still, the sickness creeps in- the love sickness… the home sickness… thought she mastered the sense of wrong but guess she was still its servant.

The dissolved lump on the throat solidifies once again, this time stronger. Pain flows like a wave from the ocean of sadness in which she drowns.

She gave the heart a wrong prescription, the medicine that seemed to heal love only sickened it more, now it’s in a comma-almost dead.

Trapped back in the place where there is love sickness and homesickness.

So now she makes a resolve, next time she follows love searching for home, she’ll tell it to shun its intuition and experience and insist it carries a compass instead (you know; the way, the truth and the life) cause with the trusted compass that parts red seas, she knows she will never get lost in her own direction. Ever again.

God is Love


[Nsatu-Rated Thoughts]


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