Moving On

“Move on!”

My mind constantly yells to my heart

“Move on” two words that are quite truthfully easier said than done.

Everywhere I go, I am surrounded by memories of you

It’s in the moments I am eating the food we would enjoy together

It’s in the times I watch our favourite shows, alone and reminisce on our never ending banter

It’s in the times YouTube lines up our songs

It’s in the evenings after busy days when I would previously offload the weight of my day on you

It’s in the void

It’s in the absence of the chaos that flavoured our journey

The peace is unsettling, ironically so

Moving on from you demands a lot from me

I have to be happy

I have to be okay

I have to forget it all

But ….

How do I explain the taint of guilt when I find myself not consumed with thoughts of you

Why does forgetting you and forgetting us feel like … betrayal?

Will time really heal this wound?

Or I’ll just have to play pretend

and fake it, till I make it.

To the lover that I lost.

From the long messages when getting to know each other. The late night calls. The gradual yet intense obsession. The undeniable chemistry. The outbursts of laughter that made our lungs hurt. The deep, authentic, difficult conversations. The aligned visions. The matching energies. The locked hands. The tied souls.

The highs were high.

To losing sight of how we got there. The feelings of detachment and inadequacy. The betrayal. The loss of trust. The angry words. The strained affection. The altered perceptions. The tears. The forgiveness. The trying. The anxiety. The relapsing. The trying even harder. The depression. The failing to try eventually. Hands unlocked. Souls untied.

The lows were low.

Ours was the type of experience that SAW me. Deeply. Searched through the crazy cluttered spaces in my mind, heart and soul. Saw all the young emotions that I kept hidden. Saw my flaws, fears and errors. Broke my guard down and with every layer of unexpected characteristics and brokenness- strived to hold on tighter… you promised to be my fighter.

We strived for happy ever after

Ours was the type of experience that reminded me of… HOPE. Hope that I too could be loved deeply, exclusively and intentionally. Hope that there was a place away from what I had conformed to. Hope that it’s not always a bad idea to let others in. Hope in love, trust and forever.

I wish we made it to forever.

But ….. here we are, miles away from forever. At a split road. Disbanding our two man band. The show we took on the road was worth the while. Flaws and all. Thank you for chasing the highs with me. Thank you for battling through the lows with me.

You tried to lay down the beat, I tried to carry the tune. But maybe… maybe this song wasn’t ours to sing.

Just Smile

Just smile

Troubles may rise

But they will only last for a while

Just smile

Some days it will be effortless

Other days will require more effort

Just smile

Let your smile speak to your soul

Let your soul light up your mood

Just smile

Till you feel warmth in your heart

Till you feel peace in your life

Just smile

Through the sunshine

Through the rain

Just smile

Letting go

Holding on and fighting for love is plausible and should continuously be encouraged.

However, in certain instances, there is more grace in letting go than holding on.

Learning when it is time to walk away and move on is just as graceful as fighting to stay.

When it is exhausts you more than it inspires you

When it breaks you down more than it builds you up

When it saddens you more than it brings you joy

When imaging a future on that path brings despair as opposed to anxious joy

Then you know, you have to let it go

Choose happiness

Choose peace

Choose harmony

Choose sanity

Choose yourself

It is difficult

It requires alot

It takes almost everything

But, sometimes, most times, there’s strength in breaking the flow


Side note: Someone once told me, “a failed relationship is better than a failed marriage and a failed marriage is better than a failed life (death)”. I think about that alot.

About Holding On

Between the thrill of falling and pain of letting go is a stage most people do not regard as an extreme- Holding On.

Holding On in my view is the most difficult stage in any form of relationship or endeavour.

In this stage, the thrill and excitement of falling is settled in.

The ideation turns into reality.

The masks fall off.

The scars appear.

In this stage, the imperfections become apparent and the waves roll in.

Holding On entails looking at your once perfectly perfect and now imperfectly perfect partner and deciding to stay.

Holding On entails deciding to battle hard days as war buddies

Holding On entails using one pair of wings when the other pair is broken so that you both fly over life’s circumstances

Holding On is assuring

Holding On is sustainable

Holding On is graceful

Holding On is the harder option, the real option, the option that matters.

Anyone can fall in and out of love.

However, it takes everything to be able to HOLD ON.

I hope you find a love worth holding on to.

Love is Scary

For all it’s beauty, glitz & glam … I find love to be scary in equal or greater proportions.

It’s in the uncontrollable feelings of attachment towards another person. Their happiness becoming your happiness, their sadness becoming your sadness and everything in between affecting you just as much as it affects them.

It’s in the way you are trusted to be a pillar of hope, love, light and joy to another person. It’s in knowing that your decisions are no longer yours alone but have an impact on the life of another person.

The scare intensifies when you realize that love is permanent but people are temporary.

It’s in the thought that one day our loved ones may be no more. It’s in the consuming anxiety of thoughts of loss. It’s in the not knowing when your interaction will be the very last. Whether halted by breakup or death. Loss of a loved one is a real scare.

But someone once said, we like because but love DESPITE …

So, despite all the fears, we dive in

Free falling- pushed by the gravity of love.

In the end, love is a beautiful thing.

Dear Lover,

Dear lover

Tell me

Would you still love me if I wasn’t picture perfect?

Would my scars scar and scare you?

Would my battles battle with the depths of your love?

To love and to hold

The beauty we behold

All the stories left untold

A tale I am yet to tell

The tipping of the affection scale

Dear lover

Show me

The parts of your heart that you’ve hidden from everyone else

Allow me to read the script where you’re not the hero but the damsel in distress

Allow me to save you

I can feel the pain you have buried deep inside

Allow me to heal you …. too

Break down your walls and let me in

Insecurities

Imperfections

Inadequacy

Inadequately, I strive to love you

To love and to hold

With flawed and trembling hands I hold us up

Dear lover

I’m hoping

Hoping the grip is firm enough to keep us from falling

We fall

Fall for each other

Fall in to love

Fall out of love

Fall back into love

We keep …. falling.

To love and to hold

We loved and we held

We love and we hold

Dear lover

Let me go

Dear lover

Never let me go

The Error of Digital Era – A Poem (#WinterABC- Day 14)

Clicks and screens

Automation and transformation

Ushered into an era

That is without error

A cyber nationality

Virtual personality

Lacking adequate security

Hacked into a world

Of wreckless bullying

Clicks and screens

Keyboard laughters

Creating unrealistic standards

Negating the thrill of the moment

For the right content “for the gram”

Clicks and screens

Threads and retweets

The death of amicability

The fanning of conflict

Worth redefined

By numbers of likes

Insecurities enhanced

By lack of followers

Clicks and screens

Welcome to an era

Filled with error

The era of digital error.

#WinterABC2021 #Business&TechWeek