To the lover that I lost.

From the long messages when getting to know each other. The late night calls. The gradual yet intense obsession. The undeniable chemistry. The outbursts of laughter that made our lungs hurt. The deep, authentic, difficult conversations. The aligned visions. The matching energies. The locked hands. The tied souls.

The highs were high.

To losing sight of how we got there. The feelings of detachment and inadequacy. The betrayal. The loss of trust. The angry words. The strained affection. The altered perceptions. The tears. The forgiveness. The trying. The anxiety. The relapsing. The trying even harder. The depression. The failing to try eventually. Hands unlocked. Souls untied.

The lows were low.

Ours was the type of experience that SAW me. Deeply. Searched through the crazy cluttered spaces in my mind, heart and soul. Saw all the young emotions that I kept hidden. Saw my flaws, fears and errors. Broke my guard down and with every layer of unexpected characteristics and brokenness- strived to hold on tighter… you promised to be my fighter.

We strived for happy ever after

Ours was the type of experience that reminded me of… HOPE. Hope that I too could be loved deeply, exclusively and intentionally. Hope that there was a place away from what I had conformed to. Hope that it’s not always a bad idea to let others in. Hope in love, trust and forever.

I wish we made it to forever.

But ….. here we are, miles away from forever. At a split road. Disbanding our two man band. The show we took on the road was worth the while. Flaws and all. Thank you for chasing the highs with me. Thank you for battling through the lows with me.

You tried to lay down the beat, I tried to carry the tune. But maybe… maybe this song wasn’t ours to sing.

Of Love & Loss

In this tale of love and loss

I tell a tale of a heart’s race

A free fall- against all odds

Oh, the wonder it beholds

In this tale of love and loss

I tell a tale of a dose of loss

A heart wrecking pause

An end with blurred cause

An untimely burial

Of feelings arose.

Dear Lover,

Dear lover

Tell me

Would you still love me if I wasn’t picture perfect?

Would my scars scar and scare you?

Would my battles battle with the depths of your love?

To love and to hold

The beauty we behold

All the stories left untold

A tale I am yet to tell

The tipping of the affection scale

Dear lover

Show me

The parts of your heart that you’ve hidden from everyone else

Allow me to read the script where you’re not the hero but the damsel in distress

Allow me to save you

I can feel the pain you have buried deep inside

Allow me to heal you …. too

Break down your walls and let me in

Insecurities

Imperfections

Inadequacy

Inadequately, I strive to love you

To love and to hold

With flawed and trembling hands I hold us up

Dear lover

I’m hoping

Hoping the grip is firm enough to keep us from falling

We fall

Fall for each other

Fall in to love

Fall out of love

Fall back into love

We keep …. falling.

To love and to hold

We loved and we held

We love and we hold

Dear lover

Let me go

Dear lover

Never let me go