To the lover that I lost.

From the long messages when getting to know each other. The late night calls. The gradual yet intense obsession. The undeniable chemistry. The outbursts of laughter that made our lungs hurt. The deep, authentic, difficult conversations. The aligned visions. The matching energies. The locked hands. The tied souls.

The highs were high.

To losing sight of how we got there. The feelings of detachment and inadequacy. The betrayal. The loss of trust. The angry words. The strained affection. The altered perceptions. The tears. The forgiveness. The trying. The anxiety. The relapsing. The trying even harder. The depression. The failing to try eventually. Hands unlocked. Souls untied.

The lows were low.

Ours was the type of experience that SAW me. Deeply. Searched through the crazy cluttered spaces in my mind, heart and soul. Saw all the young emotions that I kept hidden. Saw my flaws, fears and errors. Broke my guard down and with every layer of unexpected characteristics and brokenness- strived to hold on tighter… you promised to be my fighter.

We strived for happy ever after

Ours was the type of experience that reminded me of… HOPE. Hope that I too could be loved deeply, exclusively and intentionally. Hope that there was a place away from what I had conformed to. Hope that it’s not always a bad idea to let others in. Hope in love, trust and forever.

I wish we made it to forever.

But ….. here we are, miles away from forever. At a split road. Disbanding our two man band. The show we took on the road was worth the while. Flaws and all. Thank you for chasing the highs with me. Thank you for battling through the lows with me.

You tried to lay down the beat, I tried to carry the tune. But maybe… maybe this song wasn’t ours to sing.

Of Love & Loss

In this tale of love and loss

I tell a tale of a heart’s race

A free fall- against all odds

Oh, the wonder it beholds

In this tale of love and loss

I tell a tale of a dose of loss

A heart wrecking pause

An end with blurred cause

An untimely burial

Of feelings arose.

About Holding On

Between the thrill of falling and pain of letting go is a stage most people do not regard as an extreme- Holding On.

Holding On in my view is the most difficult stage in any form of relationship or endeavour.

In this stage, the thrill and excitement of falling is settled in.

The ideation turns into reality.

The masks fall off.

The scars appear.

In this stage, the imperfections become apparent and the waves roll in.

Holding On entails looking at your once perfectly perfect and now imperfectly perfect partner and deciding to stay.

Holding On entails deciding to battle hard days as war buddies

Holding On entails using one pair of wings when the other pair is broken so that you both fly over life’s circumstances

Holding On is assuring

Holding On is sustainable

Holding On is graceful

Holding On is the harder option, the real option, the option that matters.

Anyone can fall in and out of love.

However, it takes everything to be able to HOLD ON.

I hope you find a love worth holding on to.

Love is Scary

For all it’s beauty, glitz & glam … I find love to be scary in equal or greater proportions.

It’s in the uncontrollable feelings of attachment towards another person. Their happiness becoming your happiness, their sadness becoming your sadness and everything in between affecting you just as much as it affects them.

It’s in the way you are trusted to be a pillar of hope, love, light and joy to another person. It’s in knowing that your decisions are no longer yours alone but have an impact on the life of another person.

The scare intensifies when you realize that love is permanent but people are temporary.

It’s in the thought that one day our loved ones may be no more. It’s in the consuming anxiety of thoughts of loss. It’s in the not knowing when your interaction will be the very last. Whether halted by breakup or death. Loss of a loved one is a real scare.

But someone once said, we like because but love DESPITE …

So, despite all the fears, we dive in

Free falling- pushed by the gravity of love.

In the end, love is a beautiful thing.

Dear Lover,

Dear lover

Tell me

Would you still love me if I wasn’t picture perfect?

Would my scars scar and scare you?

Would my battles battle with the depths of your love?

To love and to hold

The beauty we behold

All the stories left untold

A tale I am yet to tell

The tipping of the affection scale

Dear lover

Show me

The parts of your heart that you’ve hidden from everyone else

Allow me to read the script where you’re not the hero but the damsel in distress

Allow me to save you

I can feel the pain you have buried deep inside

Allow me to heal you …. too

Break down your walls and let me in

Insecurities

Imperfections

Inadequacy

Inadequately, I strive to love you

To love and to hold

With flawed and trembling hands I hold us up

Dear lover

I’m hoping

Hoping the grip is firm enough to keep us from falling

We fall

Fall for each other

Fall in to love

Fall out of love

Fall back into love

We keep …. falling.

To love and to hold

We loved and we held

We love and we hold

Dear lover

Let me go

Dear lover

Never let me go

Rock, Paper, Scissors!


Collaboration note: Worked on this poem with Denzel, a seasoned writer whose poetry can be resonated with. For your reading pleasure, do visit his blog at: blavckprint.wordpress.com

You are my scissors

I’m not a rock

I’m just a paper

Be gentle

When you cut

Be clean

Don’t leave me with rough edges

I’m your scissors

Stationery stationed stationary

In your life for your years

Creative or destructive

Depends on how well you treat me

Tired of your paper emotions

I need you to be my rock

So I shall be your rock

Because paper can be burnt

These emotions will go up in flames

Lean on me on your bad days

When you shift from art to depression

Depression to levitation

I will be your euphoria

Your new found obsession

Rock, paper, scissors

Thoughts of you give me fizzers

Don’t crush my heart to pieces

Let’s settle this obsession into a love bliss

As strong as a rock

As fragile as a paper

As unpredictable as a scissors

This is why I love you

You look at me with intention and intensity

Searching through the depths of my soul, looking for every part that’s sore

Slowly and solely, you love me

Your love heals me

You secure my heart with firm reminders of your constant love for me

You keep me in the ambits of your assurance

You celebrate my strengths and embrace my weaknesses

Your love is one that is true and rare

Pure and sure

Sacrificial and beneficial

This is why I love you.