To the lover that I lost.

From the long messages when getting to know each other. The late night calls. The gradual yet intense obsession. The undeniable chemistry. The outbursts of laughter that made our lungs hurt. The deep, authentic, difficult conversations. The aligned visions. The matching energies. The locked hands. The tied souls.

The highs were high.

To losing sight of how we got there. The feelings of detachment and inadequacy. The betrayal. The loss of trust. The angry words. The strained affection. The altered perceptions. The tears. The forgiveness. The trying. The anxiety. The relapsing. The trying even harder. The depression. The failing to try eventually. Hands unlocked. Souls untied.

The lows were low.

Ours was the type of experience that SAW me. Deeply. Searched through the crazy cluttered spaces in my mind, heart and soul. Saw all the young emotions that I kept hidden. Saw my flaws, fears and errors. Broke my guard down and with every layer of unexpected characteristics and brokenness- strived to hold on tighter… you promised to be my fighter.

We strived for happy ever after

Ours was the type of experience that reminded me of… HOPE. Hope that I too could be loved deeply, exclusively and intentionally. Hope that there was a place away from what I had conformed to. Hope that it’s not always a bad idea to let others in. Hope in love, trust and forever.

I wish we made it to forever.

But ….. here we are, miles away from forever. At a split road. Disbanding our two man band. The show we took on the road was worth the while. Flaws and all. Thank you for chasing the highs with me. Thank you for battling through the lows with me.

You tried to lay down the beat, I tried to carry the tune. But maybe… maybe this song wasn’t ours to sing.

Just Smile

Just smile

Troubles may rise

But they will only last for a while

Just smile

Some days it will be effortless

Other days will require more effort

Just smile

Let your smile speak to your soul

Let your soul light up your mood

Just smile

Till you feel warmth in your heart

Till you feel peace in your life

Just smile

Through the sunshine

Through the rain

Just smile

Letting go

Holding on and fighting for love is plausible and should continuously be encouraged.

However, in certain instances, there is more grace in letting go than holding on.

Learning when it is time to walk away and move on is just as graceful as fighting to stay.

When it is exhausts you more than it inspires you

When it breaks you down more than it builds you up

When it saddens you more than it brings you joy

When imaging a future on that path brings despair as opposed to anxious joy

Then you know, you have to let it go

Choose happiness

Choose peace

Choose harmony

Choose sanity

Choose yourself

It is difficult

It requires alot

It takes almost everything

But, sometimes, most times, there’s strength in breaking the flow


Side note: Someone once told me, “a failed relationship is better than a failed marriage and a failed marriage is better than a failed life (death)”. I think about that alot.

About Holding On

Between the thrill of falling and pain of letting go is a stage most people do not regard as an extreme- Holding On.

Holding On in my view is the most difficult stage in any form of relationship or endeavour.

In this stage, the thrill and excitement of falling is settled in.

The ideation turns into reality.

The masks fall off.

The scars appear.

In this stage, the imperfections become apparent and the waves roll in.

Holding On entails looking at your once perfectly perfect and now imperfectly perfect partner and deciding to stay.

Holding On entails deciding to battle hard days as war buddies

Holding On entails using one pair of wings when the other pair is broken so that you both fly over life’s circumstances

Holding On is assuring

Holding On is sustainable

Holding On is graceful

Holding On is the harder option, the real option, the option that matters.

Anyone can fall in and out of love.

However, it takes everything to be able to HOLD ON.

I hope you find a love worth holding on to.

Dear Lover,

Dear lover

Tell me

Would you still love me if I wasn’t picture perfect?

Would my scars scar and scare you?

Would my battles battle with the depths of your love?

To love and to hold

The beauty we behold

All the stories left untold

A tale I am yet to tell

The tipping of the affection scale

Dear lover

Show me

The parts of your heart that you’ve hidden from everyone else

Allow me to read the script where you’re not the hero but the damsel in distress

Allow me to save you

I can feel the pain you have buried deep inside

Allow me to heal you …. too

Break down your walls and let me in

Insecurities

Imperfections

Inadequacy

Inadequately, I strive to love you

To love and to hold

With flawed and trembling hands I hold us up

Dear lover

I’m hoping

Hoping the grip is firm enough to keep us from falling

We fall

Fall for each other

Fall in to love

Fall out of love

Fall back into love

We keep …. falling.

To love and to hold

We loved and we held

We love and we hold

Dear lover

Let me go

Dear lover

Never let me go

The Error of Digital Era – A Poem (#WinterABC- Day 14)

Clicks and screens

Automation and transformation

Ushered into an era

That is without error

A cyber nationality

Virtual personality

Lacking adequate security

Hacked into a world

Of wreckless bullying

Clicks and screens

Keyboard laughters

Creating unrealistic standards

Negating the thrill of the moment

For the right content “for the gram”

Clicks and screens

Threads and retweets

The death of amicability

The fanning of conflict

Worth redefined

By numbers of likes

Insecurities enhanced

By lack of followers

Clicks and screens

Welcome to an era

Filled with error

The era of digital error.

#WinterABC2021 #Business&TechWeek

Creatives Hub: The Creation Process (#WinterABC – Day 3)

Have you ever imagined what goes through the mind of a Creator? Do you ever view the Created as a living being with breath, soul and a story to tell? If the Creation Process sat down to share it’s perspective, would you listen?

Dear Reader,

Welcome to yet another session of the Creatives Hub – a place where the various players in the creative cycle share their perspectives. Thank you for returning to this platform and following the discussions our panelists have been gracefully leading.

Over the past two days, we have journeyed through the minds of The Creator and The Created. If this is your first time following this connected talk, please feel free to start your catch up with yesterday’s post accessible here: https://missnsatu.wordpress.com/2021/06/02/creatives-hub-the-created-winterabc-day-2/.

Today, we hear the perspective of The Creation Process.

I am the bridge between the creator and the created, so call me … Connection

I turn thoughts into words, songs, paintings, clothes and so much more

I aid creator’s to achieve their set goal

Whilst most people look to the destination, my value is found in the journey

There I hand down important life lessons, so call me …. Education

I teach how to be patient with the craft

I teach that it’s okay to have days of disconnection and lack of motivation

I teach that a hiatus when needed does not imply weakness

I teach that sometimes, regardless of well the created is created

The creator’s applause to self may be the loudest or only sound heard

I ensure that with every creation created- partially or wholly, the creator gets better, so call me … Evolution.

I am constantly evolving

Improving old ways and discovering new ways

I have no standard nor rigid procedure, so call me … Variation

I could be linear or curvilinear

To each creator, I am peculiar

Some tread my streets with cautiously thought out steps for days, weeks, months or years

Others reach their desired destination spontaneously in minutes or hours

Both are valid

Both are plausible

I thrive in harmony and interaction… So call me Co-operation

The power to draw inspiration from the community

The powerful strings of collaborations

The pats on the back and the helping hands to others on the same path

As you process creation,

Remember, the journey is the destination.

Creatives Hub: The Created (#WinterABC- Day 2)

Welcome back to the room I call the Creatives Hub- a place where the various players in the creative cycle share their perspectives.

Before we go on, if you haven’t yet read my Day 1 post, now is your time: https://missnsatu.wordpress.com/2021/06/01/about-creatives-the-creator-winterabc-day-1/

Have you ever imagined what goes through the mind of a Creator? Do you ever view the Created as living being with breath, soul and a story to tell? If the Creation Process sat down to share it’s perspective, would you listen?

Today, we will hear from The Created ‘s perspective.

I like to think of myself as a shape shifter

I come in different fonts, punctuations and emotions

I come from different experiences, perspectives and objectives

There are times when my shape shifts into a happy note

When I serve as a window of hope for others

When by my being, people who are lost find themselves

When I function as a mirror reflecting the beauty that lies in people’s souls.

In this form, I am created for my creator’s audience.

There are times when my shape shifts into pieces of my creator’s soul

When I serve as an outlet

When I am flavoured with tears and sighs

When the only way the creator knows how to breathe is through me

In this form, I am created to be a hug through the screen for my creator.

There are times when I am but a crumpled paper in the bin besides the creator’s desk

When no matter how good I feel, the creator looks at me and thinks I am not good enough

When I am piled up in the drafts- waiting for the day I too get to travel to the published world

In this form, I feel like I don’t belong.

There are times when the creator allows me to take the lead

When the direction I’m headed is unknown, but the creator follows anyway

When I am allowed to be as loud, vulnerable and unpredictable as I can be

When I am trusted to arrive at an unforeseen destination

In this form, I am at my best- authentic and unapologetically me.

As we usher in Day 3,

Dear Creation Process, please tell us your story …

Creatives Hub: The Creator (#WinterABC- Day 1)

I am thrilled to be taking part in this year’s #WinterABC, for the first time ever. The line up of topics is very challenging and exciting and the discipline of having to blog everyday for the next couple of days is undoubtedly something I am looking forward to. I am always excited at the thought of varying perspectives and impressions. I am a firm believer in the beauty that lies in diversity, as such, I cannot wait to read through the different approaches my fellow Afrobloggers will have to the given topic guides. Here is what to expect in the weeks to come:

Ladies, gentlemen and all other amazing readers: Please buckle up as my Nsatu-rated Thoughts take you on a journey through the Creatives Week.

Welcome, to the room I call the Creatives Hub- a place where the various players in the creative cycle share their perspectives.

Have you ever imagined what goes through the mind of a Creator? Do you ever view the Created as living being with breath, soul and a story to tell? If the Creation Process sat down to share it’s perspective, would you listen?

Today, we will hear from The Creator ‘s perspective.

To some, I am a Wordsmith

To others, I am an Ink Slinger

I look in the mirror and see an inconsistent reflection

On some days, I thrive in my art

Creating creations that leave me mesmerized

Wondering if such perfection can truly be birthed from my mind

Or whether its just another lucky day

On other days, I slip through the cracks

The words don’t rhyme like they should

The ideas are not coherent

And there is a vivid disconnect between my brain and hands

I look at my creation and feel like apologizing

Knowing there’s something I intended to let out

But I just couldn’t write right.

I can attest, that I am a Jack of many trades

I trade in my time, skills and passion for a purpose

So when you ask for art that flows from my heart

I appreciate that you pay attention

I only wish you could value my creation and pay more than just attention.

As we usher in Day 2,

Dear Created, please tell us your story …