Old School Parenting – an African Perspective #WinterABC24

Greetings Beautiful Readers!

I’m happy to raise the curtain to what I have dubbed as, “the most wonderful time of the year”. Atleast as far as the blogging community is concerned. If you have been here long enough, you will recall that every winter the amazing Afrobloggers come together for a storytelling festival which manifests in different creative ways. I have categories of all my past participation on my home page- feel free to take a trip down memory lane.

This year’s challenge has an interesting spin to it- we have been assigned daily themes to respond to. As is the custom of the challenge, the “how” remains at our discretion. I love the lee-way to be free & diverse! Over the next few days, Nsatu-Rated Thoughts will share reflection pieces, short stories, rants, poetry, music snippets, maybe visuals, maybe guest features, maybe e-nterviews. The creative outlet is really at my disposal and I’m more than glad to fully indulge.

Now, let’s get into it.

For Day 1 of the challenge, our theme is: “Parenting/Fatherhood/Motherhood Kickstarting our challenge with a reflection on the joys and challenges of parenthood from an African perspective“

As I am not yet a biological parent, my initial thoughts of the topic was that it may be limiting to the extent of my lived experience. However, on a late night call with a friend, we had a chat that brought a light bulb moment on the angle to take in responding to the first entry.

My reflection is on the evolution of parenthood in rural v urban Zambia. A lot can be said about parenthood but my reflection will be centered on the notion of community and belonging with particular reference to extended relatives.

Journey with me.

I am mostly Bemba by tribe- which is one of the 72 tribes in Zambia. As such my lived experience may differ from the cultures and norms of other tribes. In our tribe, it was a previously deeply rooted cultural norm to refer to our mother’s sisters as our “mothers”. The notion of “aunty” did not exist. Bemba is matriarchal hence the specific example being on mothers but the same can be said for father’s brothers being referred to as “dad” and not “uncle”.

With time, and dare I say with the urbanization of communities, this norm has detoriated and we now have the consistent use of the title “aunty”. Which is not bad in itself. Expect, it now begs the question, how has this shift in terminology affected the interactions and quality of relationships with extended family members?

My response to the above is one size does not fit all. We have aunty-niece-nephew relationships which are so strong without the ‘mum’ terminology ever coming to play. Unfortunately, we also have a community which is increasingly becoming more distant and alienated from the extended family.

So maybe from an African perspective, the substance of parenting with community should precede the form of the titles attached to it? I think what older generations were trying to communicate is that parenting extends beyond the biological parents. The extension of a title as warm as mother or “mayo/ mama”, as Bembas would say, to sisters and first cousins was a reflection of a wider net of belonging and protection. I find many benefits in this style of “old school” parenting, these include:

1. Children learn to honour and respect elderly members of the family;
2. The family remains so closely knitted reinforcing the notion that it indeed takes as a village;
3. Incase of any unforeseen events taking place, it is psychologically easy for children to accommodate the idea of being loved and protected by the other parent figures they were exposed to.

That being said, although modern styles of parenting also have their own benefits. I think it does more good than harm to also incorporate the traditional style of parenting which embraced a wider community and belonging.

More like, “in with the new but lets save the gold from the old”.

---

Tell me beautiful readers, was or is it a cultural practice of your country/tribe to refer to extended members of the family as “mum” or “dad”?

What are some of the benefits of the old school African style of parenting that you can reminisce on? Do you agree with an integration of styles as we move ahead? I’d like to hear your views. 🙂

Looking forward to our further interactions throughout WinterABC24!

Until then,

Thanks for reading this far.

Miss Nsatu, xo.